I had been hospitalized for a bad case of food poisoning. I had been vomiting for days on end and I was exhausted and I couldn't keep *anything* down so they had to give me medicines and feed me intravenously. My wife and a nurse were in my room and the nurse began examining my stomach which was tender and painful. I knew I had gas so I tried to hold it until after the exam, but I was still sick so I couldn't control it and I let out the loudest fart ever. Everyone was silent and then my wife and my nurse burst out laughing. I was already feverish, weak and ill and on top of that, I felt like they were ganging up on me and laughing at me. I was so embarrassed that I just burst into tears. My wife tried to apologize and put her arms around me but I was mad at her and said "no" and tried to move away from her but I was too weak to fight back and I just fell back against my pillow. The nurse and my wife were apologizing profusely as they knew they had hurt a sick person's feelings. My wife said that the reason she cracked up was because it was so loud and sudden that it shocked her. And the nurse said the look on my face after it happened made her laugh but she didn't mean to. I guess I was overly sensitive as I didn't feel well so I let it go. I remember sitting up (I don't know why, I had had a fever for days and wasn't myself)....and then everything went black and I heard my wife scream and then I heard footsteps and then two male voices saying "oh God, get him up". I remember saying "what the **** happened?" It turns out that I had fainted when I tried to get up. Once again, I was beyond embarrassed not just at the fainting, but the fact that I cursed which I rarely ever do. It just came out! To make the whole situation worse, my parents came to visit right after this happened and saw the room door wide open, the doctor putting me back in bed and nurses running to get cool compresses for me. They wanted to know what happened and the nurse told them that I had passed out. The doctor turned to the nurse and asked "what happened right before he fainted?" I thought she was going to bring up the fart incident and since my parents are jokers, I knew that I'd never hear the end of it. It would come up at every family gathering. I tried to say something, *anything* to keep her from bringing it up but when I opened my mouth, all that came out were moans. The nurse that had gone to get the cold compress put it on my forehead and put my feet up and told me to rest and save my strength. Mercifully, the nurse who was there during the fart incident just said that "he was very feverish and when I examined his stomach, he was in pain. He hasn't eaten in days and I think everything just got the best of him". Whew! You can believe that people very nice to me after this.
anonymousMiscellaneous October 11, 2019 at 8:39 am00